franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
