i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize