I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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