I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize