Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
