yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
