We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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