brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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