She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
