If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
