woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
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