just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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