Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
