That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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