you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
