Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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