i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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