We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
