I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
