I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
there is puke in my bra ... again
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