Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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