$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
