How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
