I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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