I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have already put on my inside pants.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
