Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
