We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
