I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
