There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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