Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
