i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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