You're my little dorito
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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