her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
