He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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