i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
