someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
