I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
