Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
