No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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