bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
