I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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