In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
