u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
