Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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