I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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