my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
