Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
