I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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