I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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