at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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