as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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