wat bout pragnant strippers??
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize