went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
