You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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