how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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