I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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