Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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