Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize