All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
