Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
