Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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