i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
