Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
