How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
