I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
