yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
