I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
