It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
