my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
