Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
