My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
