Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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