It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize