Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
