do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize