drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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