so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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