i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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