I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
