Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
