Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
