I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
