so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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