I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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