You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
