apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
