remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
