Don't you send me to vm
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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