if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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