4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
