HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
