I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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