I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
