I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
