Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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