Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you would pick up someone in the library
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
