I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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