So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize