I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
