That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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