I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's official drugs can't kill me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
