You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
