you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
