I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize