apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
