Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
