The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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