I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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