He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
