She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
