Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
