The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
