no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
