That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
