She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
