The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
