so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
